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Chris White

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Chris White was born and immediately began to suck. For much of his infancy, he was a black hole from which no dream could escape; the hopes of his parents were crushed into nothingness by the all-consuming weight of his suckitude. Throughout his childhood he refined his unexplainable awfulness, much like you or I might work to improve at sports, or live action role playing. By the time he reached high school he was the most awful human being in recorded history, but not satisfied, he continued to head down the path of suck, guaranteeing that no being from any future civilization could surpass his legend. Worst of all, his parents never taught him that, if someone goes to every single one of your comedy shows, and then starts mailing you oil paintings of you bare-chested riding a mighty stallion, it's at least polite to send a thank you card. Because if you don't, then you might get blasted with a full-on awesome Web site that tears you to shreds. OH, SNAP!

Of course, the Chris-controlled media won't tell you the truth. Though it turns our stomach, we feel it is important to present Chris' "official" bio -- if you know the lies told by his evil PR machine, you will be ready with snappy comebacks. We suggest, "that's a lie, he actually sucks."

 

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